Conscious Communication Skills
who want to connect more genuinely with others,
while maintaining their individuality
Like most of us, you have friends and family who you like to connect with, and you hope for their recognition and approval. But nobody really understands you, and, truth be told, you don't really understand them either. Even though there are good people around you, when things get tough you feel pretty alone.
You value friendships and intimacy with others, yet too often when you get close to someone the relationship becomes difficult. Your differences surface, there are misunderstandings, and feelings get hurt. At this point you either withdraw from the relationship, or get upset with the other person, hoping they will change. These responses tend to make things worse, however, and you are caught between needing people, but not being able to get too close. You may settle for easy social relationships, yet crave real depth and intimacy.
There is nothing wrong with you or your desire for genuine connections with others. The problem is that you are stuck in familiar patterns of relating to people that create distance between you. Instead of bringing you closer, these unconscious communication habits undermine the very sense of companionship you were seeking in the first place.
You need a way to become aware of your conditioned responses and attitudes toward other people, so that you can see for yourself the impact they are having on your relationships. There are skills you can practice and learn that will break up your old patterns and create an opening for genuine understanding and connection.
Conscious Communication is a set of tools designed to activate your natural capacity for empathy. These skills interrupt your habitual responses to other people and make space for them, as you also make space for yourself. They enable you to be aware of how your learned responses engender competition and maintain distance between you and other people, in the guise of keeping you safe.
Then you can choose new responses that foster cooperation and genuine connection between you and other people, while also maintaining your independence. This means that you can have satisfying relationships with other people while still being yourself. You don’t feel so isolated or alone, and you don’t have to sacrifice your individuality just to be accepted by others.
I have studied communication and conflict resolution skills since 1979 and taught classes and workshops since 1990. I am a professionally trained mediator with 10 years of experience in divorce and 23 years of experience teaching at the Community College of Vermont. I wrote and published Conscious Communication – A Language of Connection which details how to use these skills in any kind of relationship.
I can show you how to use Conscious Communication skills to shift your relationship with other people from adversaries to allies, enabling you to feel genuinely connected and get your basic needs met. Relationships will be more satisfying and you will be able to be yourself, without using coercion or withdrawal to get your way.
A set of basic and easy to learn skills that enable you to:
* Hear and acknowledge other people without judgment
* Express your feelings and needs without blame
* Establish healthy boundaries
* Negotiate so that both of your needs are met
* Be independent and connected with other people
Click here for a short Video Introduction to
Conscious Communication Skills by Miles
Excerpt from Conscious Communication book
While we have made impressive advances in
technology that enable a level of material comfort
unthinkable to our ancestors,
our way of relating to each other
has not changed much since the Stone Age.
Most of us rely on our instincts of fight or flight when we feel threatened, and we still believe that attacking or withdrawing will resolve our conflicts with other people. The tragic results of our lack of relationship skills are evident all around us, from the epidemic of divorce to the continual outbreaks of war throughout our world.
With more than six billion of us now sharing the resources of our small planet, tensions between people can only increase, and our inability to cooperate with each other may be the largest threat we face to our survival as a species. In an age of nuclear weapons, global warming, massive environmental pollution, and a global economy, it is clear that the actions of each one of us affect everyone else here on earth. In this light, our reliance on primitive survival instincts to manage our relationships makes no sense. If we continue to choose competition over cooperation, we insure our own eventual demise.
Conscious Communication presents a model for healthy relationships that focuses on the hidden causes of tension between people, and helps us understand how our own ingrained assumptions create an atmosphere of competition. Instead of approaching conflict from a moral or intellectual view point, this system takes aim at the primal impulses that compel us to fight, even when the outcome is not in our best interests. By bringing our ancient survival instincts into view, we expose them for what they are and recognize how they directly undermine our needs for family, community, and security.
The foundation of Conscious Communication is a set of simple skills that effectively interrupt our habitual reactions and enable us to make a more conscious choice than fight or flight when we feel threatened. These new tools for co-operative relationships offer a framework for conflict that goes beyond the simplistic labels of good and bad, and allows us to stay connected with each other, while acknowledging our differences.
Miles' Interviews about Conscious Communication on radio
(A recent article by Miles at the Omega Institute)
Click on cover image to purchase the book
Interviews with Miles:
11/09 Spirit in Action